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Simon Cowell University
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Individuals who aspire to attend Simon Cowell University must meet the following requirements:

  1. Must have an ardent desire to immerse oneself in Simon Cowell.
  2. Must test negative for all sexually transmitted diseases and controlled substances.
  3. Must submit to an IQ test and achieve an above-average score.
  4. Must submit a personal essay detailing past dating history, reasons for wishing to attend SCU, and statement of career goals regarding Simon Cowell.

Applicants who do not meet the above requirements or who do not show the proper amount of enthusiasm for Simon Cowell knowledge will be refused admittance.
All essays submitted become property of Simon Cowell University.

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