For the record, let us reiterate:

• We are NOT Simon Cowell.
• This site is not endorsed by Simon Cowell, but he more than likely DOES know about us. We're pretty sure about that. Thank God he has a good sense of humor.
• We have no means of contacting Simon Cowell.
• Please do not send pictures, letters, job applications, song demos, articles of clothing, puppies, special requests, or anything else you would like passed along to Simon. He won't get them. We will. And we'll more than likely laugh at you.
• We are NOT Simon Cowell.
• Really. We're not.