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Simon Cowell University
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Essays are listed in the order they were received.
Due to space issues, not all essays can be printed in their entirety. Also be warned that essays will NOT be edited for grammar, spelling, and punctuation.

My last boyfriend and I only went out for about one month.  He is an ass.  Mr. Cowell has left great expectations and high standards, which will probably be hard for anyone to live up to...  In no way am I only interested in money or furthering my career.  As far as I can tell, I'm loving, trustworthy, gentle, patient and intelligent with a keen sense of humor and quick wit.  If I try hard enough, I could probably squeeze some kindness out of myself.  I would be more than willing to sign a pre-nuptial agreement...  I am very organized and I pay a lot of attention to detail.  I also have a passion for burning white Armani sweaters.




It was the Armani sweater-burning comment that did it.  - Juliet


...Starting at the ripe old age of 8, I received my first proper kiss under the slide in the school playground. Since that day I have been practicing my kissing abilities with the sole goal of linking lips with Simon Cowell... SCU is my University of choice because I feel that my past reflects a true dedication to the cause. I have traveled the world and with this comes an understanding on frequent traveling and packing of suitcases which I feel is an asset to Mr. Cowell. I also am well trained in cooking for the picky eater and can modify any food to be plain and devoid of excessive flavourings. I also hold a wines and spirits diploma which was a practical course involving sampling many wines spirits and other lesser forms of intoxicating liquids. I am able to function for weeks on end on 4-5 hours of sleep thus an ability to be on call should Mr. Cowell ever need any assistance.  I am well trained in Yoga and despite my small frame I am fully toned, dare I say 125lbs of pure muscle, and I would like the opportunity to compare/share muscles with Mr. Cowell.


Chef Clary


Accepting the persnickety nature of His Highness made this essay stand out. 

 - Juliet


...I have met your President (Mr. Simon Cowell) one time in Nashville during auditions for American Idol 2.  I was totally blown away when I actually got to shake the hand of "The Great One" and also was lucky enough to mingle with him for a few minutes.  Just those couple minutes I thought life could get no better, till today when I saw this, Simon Cowell University.  For the last 3 yrs. I have devoted most of my time online searching for new sites to read up and look at pictures of Mr. Cowell.  To be able to have the satisfaction to attend such a "Grand" college such as this one would be a dream come true... 




You met him?  You ACTUALLY MET HIM?  I am a jealous Admissions Counselor.  You are on probation, girlie.  - Juliet

...I strongly feel that I have the necessary qualifications to be a full professor of Special Education at SCU.  I have had years of experience dealing with those with special needs.  For this reason, I feel that I am well qualified to teach the obsessive/compulsive or delusional applicants to the University...




One can only hope you will minister to the staff as well.  - Juliet

...I would like to apply for Simon Cowell University, why?  Well , I'll tell you why, because I love Mr. Cowell more than anything.  I actually love him but for someone else, Paula Abdul, I mean those two DO love each other a LOT.  I hope to get in the university.  I will study Simon Cowell's subjects and do great!




One Saturday night at the mental hospital with the Hats of Paula Abdul filmstrip should cure you of that.  I'll take you over there when we get your books. 

 - Juliet

...We are all put on this earth to worship one man. And this man is Simon Cowell.  Here's the real reason you should let me in SCU. I spent like an hour of my life writing this God-forsaken essay. And if that's not enough, I have enclosed a picture of Him with which to bribe you.

Bribery is ALWAYS in fashion.  - Juliet

...Admission into this university would provide me with the education one needs to keep the spirits high, keep a happy outlook on life, and just possibly getting into trouble to be sent to the presidents' office! (Ooops! Meant the Dean's office!)




Ah, a woman with a goal.  I'll write you the pass myself.  - Juliet

...I love Simon .He is good looking and everything else. I am hoping that you will let me attend SCU...




Simple adoration.  You bet.  - Juliet

...I have been loyal to him since AI first came on, ever since I haven't loved anymore more or even close.  I love Simon Cowell more than everything you can imagine and more!  I watch all AI episodes because of him, I have no interest in his money, whatsoever, all I want is to have fun with him and be loyal to him for the rest of my life.  I would never cheat on him, or make him unhappy or bored!  I would always have something new to tell him, and would be happy to do what he feels like doing!  I will keep him company on his best and worst moments, and whenever he needs me I will certainly be there for him!  I will dedicate all the time I have to him no matter what gets in the way!


That is what will make me a great Cowell woman!




Complex adoration.  Also acceptable.  - Juliet

...I admire Simon for his virility but I am not a promiscuous person myself.  I only venture in to relationships with stable, honest and hardworking men and this is why I love Simon so much.  He is a business mastermind who is not ashamed of admitting is love for money...  I wish to attend SCU, to further educate myself in the world of Simon and I would love to learn about him surrounded by like minded people. 
The further study of Simon intrigues me and I am filled with enthusiasm at learning about the man himself. I propose to study Physiology (PSY 101).
Lindsey P.
'Virility'  is such a good word.  - Juliet

Ever since Simon was drawn to my attention on teh very first episode of Pop Idol, I knew that his rather high waste band wouldn't stop me from loving him, as for what I envisioned there was no need to bring trousers into the equation.  Over the episodes my love for this beautiful man has expanded at an alarming rate, so much that by the end of the first series I knew I would not be able to die happy unless I had met him at least once in my life.  I then went about the procedure of applying for the second series of Pop Idol in my haste to declare my love to him...
After that I dedicated my life to getting through to see the judges in any way, shape or form that I could. Many months of hard work and gruelling singing went on in my room, my shower and even in the street.  When I had finally set my heart on a song (Toucha Toucha Toucha Touch Me) I really couldn't decide on an outfit so I thought it best to leave that part of the process out and just go in my underwear. I thought that Simon wouldn't mind and how  many people can boast that Simon Cowell has seen them in their underwear! So off I toddled to London to woo him and so I got up, dedicated my song to him and then left the room in a great hurry for fear of fainting. However, in my brief (get it? brief!) exchange of words between us I finally knew what my purpose in life was; to love, honour, and obey that heavenly creature that was sitting just a few yards in front of me.
So now I turn to you, oh great wonderous university of The Great Heavenly Creature that was brought down from on high, please help me to prepare me for my life long vocation. I know at times it will be tough but with your guidance I could become a top stalker of the highest degree.
Fifi the Great
That right there is some fabulous chutzpah, girlfriend! -Juliet

simon cowell is buff ting. wanna learn all abt im init blad. cheers bredren
 Ahkay...  - Juliet

I am floating on these clouds at the thought of becoming a member of the SCU. Simon rocks my boat and the thought of him floating with me does not bear thinking about...
I know how you feel, Sam.  If I let myself float too long I'll lose my job.  - Juliet

Simply that no-one can wear trousers like the king himself-get him a crown immediately.
I agree.  I bet I could find one to match my tiara...  - Juliet

I wish to be admitted to the Simon Cowell University because Simon Cowell rocks my world. His personality is so sexy and intriguing. I feel I have good experience in areas such as cooking and massage. I love to travel and I am a former figure skater, which means I am very flexible. Good for meeting Mr. Cowell's needs! Simon occupies my life, every magazine, every internet search and every small clipet of Extra is treasured. You should see my video tape collection. It is insane. I am in love with this man so much that I slept out in Minute Maid Park in Houston to audition for him. I can't even sing but hey, that didnt stop me, I had to try and see him. I didnt complete my task of getting to him so I think some education at SCU would help! Hmmm do I see a trip to New York City on December 3 in my near future, why yes, I think I do! Obsessed with Simon is an understatement. I have to go to SCU because Simon is my dream man. Well I have rambled enough, admit me to the University and I will be able to accomplish my goal, pleasing, loving and experiencing Simon Cowell!

Sassymercedes13 (Kelly)

Bring your video tape collection and you're in.  -Juliet

I am applying to become a student of this university for one reason. I love Simon Cowell. From the way he talks, to the way he walks. His laugh is contagious, and so is his opinion. Through him I have learned what music should really sound like. He is a great aid to society, and without him civilization would be robbed of talent. Talents like Westlife, and Kelly Clarkson, that I feel had he not boosted their careers, we would be in the midst of a drab entertainment industry.


Not only do I admire his intellect, but also his physique. When I see his picture, the definition of "the Perfect Man" comes to mind.  


So please take my admission into some consideration, because a school devoted to Simon Cowell, is a school I would love to be a part of.



Here  - take the stick.  It is now your duty to beat the crap out of people who drag out their pitiful high-waisted trouser defense against the Perfect Man-ness of President Cowell.

Resistance is futile.  -Juliet


hello i would like to join the simon cowell university because of my love for simon.  he is such an inspiration to me. i have pictures of him all over my bedroom walls and all of my books.  some of my friends laugh at me for being so obsessed with him but i dont care - you dont have to be liked to be great!!!! simon has even helped me in my own life by being so honest. some people say he is mean but he is only telling the truth, a policy which i myself try to follow now all the time.  no little white lies to make people feel better, it's honesty all the way.
Since I'm a West Wing fan, I'll call you Connie.
Get with Brooke up there and pick out a crossing guard uniform. We're out of sticks, but I can loan you a voodoo doll.  -Juliet

After surveying the courses that Simon Cowell University has to offer, I feel this is my school of choice. For the past year, I have dedicated my life to Mr. Cowell, viciously seeking out any bit of information on the aforementioned Man-God; happily assimilating every word that flows from his lips and every movement of his gorgeous body. I have taken to eating Jolly Nice and HP Sauce instead of the other, more bland products. I have replaced nights that would have been spent with my current boyfriend (4th I've ever had, none of the previous even comparing to His Highness) with my ever-so-enjoyable Simon tapes and magazines. I sleep with my Simon bobblehead doll. I use rich and colorful adjectives such as "dreadful," "abysmal," and "insipid." And most of all, I love him dearly and plan to tackle him when I see him at my American Idol 4 audition whereupon I am sure to hear one of my colorful adjectives flow from his mouth.

So, as I crash down on my knees and make the best puppy dog face I have ever made, I ask, "Will you let me in?" Pah-pah-pah-lease?


P.S. The scar. Can... can I lick the scar?


I'm sorry, the scar is reserved for third-year students.  But make that puppy face again and I might let you lick a picture of the scar until you have complete enough credit hours for the actual experience.  -Juliet

I feel that I truly NEED to be a part of the SCU community.  I was a mature, well-adjusted woman with good taste until my mind got taken over by all things Cowell.  I was lost and couldn't understand how I had gone so horribly wrong.  Then I discovered Simon Dolls and Simonpics and realized that I am not alone and that if you allow yourself to truly embrace your obsession you become.....well, truly obsessed....  but at least it can be a heck of a lot of fun!  So, thanks for all the "LOL's"  and "sighs"  and "THUDS"  and keep those pictures coming.




PS  All those people who want Paula and Simon together should be required to take a remedial course called "How to Be the Star of Your own Fantasy".  Otherwise, why bother?


Simon/Paula shippers are relegated to perpetually-single student housing, which does not have heating.  They come around pretty quickly.


Glad to hear you wont have to bunk with them!  - Juliet


i should be admitted to the simon cowell university because i am addicted to simon cowell.  i want to be exactly like him. i love simon cowell




Well, I want to be WITH Simon Cowell (in a hot tub, naked), but whatever turns you on, Currie.  -Juliet


i love mr simon cowell.  i want my boyfriend to be just like him because he is the hottest man alive!!!




Ditch the boyfriend, Helen.  -Juliet

I want to get into SCU pretty much because I don't think any other University will accept me with my obsession of Simon Cowell. I watch my Simon tapes everyday, everything I've got are covered with Simon pictures. I even took a guy call Simon to my school prom so I could twink out his last name afterwards and write Cowell on it. Every desk that I've used at school has "I Love Simon Cowell" engraved on it and the teachers and students do not appreciate my dedication in my stupid school and I think SCU will be the only place that I won't get into trouble doing this. So please, accept me into SCU, I'm going to work SO hard like you won't believe! I'm determined to be the Top Scholar of SCU!

Thank you


Creativity and desperation.  Most excellent.  -Juliet

Dear SCU

I have been a Secret Simon Lover for some time now, although I have tentatively come out to a few of my more liberal friends. They have been appalled, but I stand proud. As I have grown in confidence and safe in the knowledge that Pop Idol Extra (Kate Thornton is the devil) has almost blanket coverage on ITV2, I have become more free and easy with my secret and have been evangelizing to anyone who will listen on the merits of Simon love - indeed, I have made several converts. He is, after all, a minister of the dark arts and no-one could fail to fall prey to him eventually. Like the great Jack Nicholson said, "there are two kinds of women in this world - those who want to fuck Jack Nicholson, and those who want to tell their friends they turned Jack Nicholson down." I would argue that the same applies to Simon, although obviously the latter category would be so small as to be practically insignificant. Simon's particular appeal lies in the empty void behind the eyes, as if he has made a Faustian pact at an early age, and knows that somewhere, lurking in his attic is a painting of himself, getting older and poorer and screaming at his conscience as the real Simon laughs and puts out a Gareth Gates greatest hits album anyway. Who could fail to be seduced by such a callous disregard for the human soul? It is delicious. I love Simon Cowell. I want him.

Yours sincerely


And with that, I turn all writing duties over to you. -Juliet

I cannot explain my love for everything Simon in one essay. I can however say one statement -  'DOWN WITH LOW SLUNG TROUSERS!'




Down with his trousers altogether.  -Juliet

Ode to Simon

Simon Cowell makes me howl (with pleasure)
when seeing Simon Cowell all I can think of is wow
oh how i wish he was mine as he is absolutely divine

Rachel C.

Do you want to be my TA for ode writing? - Juliet

Being British, I have idolised Simon for over 3 years. His every so-called 'cruel words' are joy to my ears, proving that he is a fine specimen of the British man. All British men should aspire to his debonair, suave and unassuming demeanor. In the office, I am the butt of all jokes as my pinboard is dedicated to Simon. He is the number one on my boyfriend-wish list, ahead of all other men, including Mr Clooney, much to my colleagues misguided disgust. Admission to the finest educational establishment would prove to all the uneducated co-workers just how deep my feelings run.

Hopefully, Kathryn

We have a form letter and stationery for just this purpose, Kathryn. That way you dont have to take precious time away from your studies to flaunt your devotion. -Juliet

This man, Sir Simon Cowell to be, has altered my life in such an amazing way, he most graciously told me my singing was simply not good enough in pop idol 3, and I so much agree with him! How could I live up to his standards? I spend my life, thinking about what he said to me, and try to find out about his life, so I can see what his life is like, and if anyone, anyone, whether it be child or weight lifter, mocks his trouser fashion sense, I stand up for the king of fashion, and pull my trousers up to show them, that, he rules!


I sense we will be expanding our Trouser Patrol shortly. -Juliet

There is hard evidence students studying subs they love do best.  I love Simon ergo I want a transfer to you.  I have to say I wont be needing the help of Petmom (her essay in winning section on dealing with the poor unfortunate delusionals).  I assure you my marriage to him is not delusional nor are our four very real kids Beep, Prrrr, Tinkle and of course Simon Jr.  One of your terms of acceptance i find a little unclear.  When you say controlled subs and STDs does it still count if they are controlled substances to combat STD's?  Anyway hoping to see you next semester.




Kiss the kids for me.  Well sort out the medical, uh, details when you get here. -Juliet

That Body, Those Eyes, That Accent and that absolutely incredible smile, that is Simon Cowell, I am sure are going to be the end of my marriage, and the need for a new video machine and more ink for my printer. Hence my need to be accepted at this most prestigious university, maybe in the multimedia and design department , so my ink and video problems may be fixed, and while I'm there I may be able to hunt Mr Cowell and amend my first dilemma.

Failing all that,
Please Please Please
Greasing never hurt anyone
Happy Simon Dreaming, Angel

Learned well you have, Angel. Welcome. -Juliet

...I would be very loyal to this University. I will stay madly and deeply in love with the president. I will obey the Dean of students, the Department of Chairs, the Director of Admissions, other students, and most importantlySimon Cowell himself. I would also PROMISE never to say the word "T-E-R-R-I" without a disgusting, dissiful word after it. I would not say Georgina, or Simon's passed lovers either. Ew. And, If I fail to keep my promise, and you do accept me...shoot me quickly, then shove me in a alleyway dumpster. I will only say the heavenly word 'Saula'. *sigh* *ahem* In conclusion, these are some reasons, I believe, I would make a good candidate for SCU.

I test...negative for all sexually transmitted diseases and controlled substances.

My past dating history is slim. I am only 13, and have never had a serious boyfriend. Little flings here and there. Little hugs and holding of hands here and there. My first kiss has not occurred yet. I've had crushes. I've had stupid boys grab my bottom. I've had teachers..nevermind. Therefore, I would only allow THE Simon Phillip Cowell touching my bum.

The Campus at SCU seems very comfortable. I can see myself there, and getting used to my surroundings. I think I would be very happy amongst the brightest men and women around. And I would not take the private and sound proof rooms for granted.

Also...On December 3rd, 2003 in NYC in a particular Barnes and Nobles, I may be meeting the president himself. And I am already putting things together to meet with him. *raises eyebrows*

Love/By/Sincerely: Jessika

I might...MIGHT...let you out of the unheated dorms for that Saula thing IF you bring me President Cowell's autograph from New York. MIGHT. *shudder* -Juliet

No Words Can Describe Simon. . . He is simply breathtaking. . .I am obsessed with him, and I find no other man to compare to Simon. . . His Body, Attitude, Accent, & Smile can get any girl into his University!  No Doubt!  I Want to Attend SCU, FULL-TIME. . .It would be worth it.




Yes, yes it would.  -Juliet

Why wouldn't I want to apply to a university which studies solely in the greatness that is Sir (he will be one someday) Simon Cowell. He is one of the few men that is honest about everything and is incredibly good looking, he has an ear for talent (Westlife, Kelly Clarkson) and most of all cares about what he looks like, never have I seen an episode of Pop Idol without saying 'God he looks good!' He is just a wonderful, understated and underappreciated man, I love him and to be able to study him would be a dream come true. I have had dreams of kissing his beautiful face and to study it would be almost as wonderful.

Please accept me!
Yours Cowelly,


A fellow Westlife fan? Hell yeah, sister. - Juliet

simon cowell is the best person in the world also the most the most witty and brainy person he is also very sexy he has been in music business for 20 years but because he is so witty it feels like 30 not because of his age as he looks about 30 i really want to be a part of the growing simon cowell university as i would like to improve my knowledge of mr cowell i look forward to your reply
best wishes


I'm a little dizzy now, actually. Or maybe just swoon-y, I don't know. Seems to be a perpetual state of being for me these days - Juliet


Simon rules! We should all worship the great one and his tongue of steel. All bask in his high- trousered glory! Again, Simon rules!

By Lydz

Upping my SPF as we speak. - Juliet

Oh where do I even begin?? How do you write an essay on a man as incredible as Simon Cowell? It's impossible to do it properly because I could just babble on and on about how amazingly sexy he is and how that British accent drives me CRAZY!! I worship this man in every way, shape and form. From his thick, dark hair to those high-waisted trousers.(Which I still really don't have a problem with) The only thing that I really cant stand about him is that accessory he takes with him everywhere...*cough* Ponyboy *cough* When it is SO obvious that he and Paula were made for each other. (Sorry that was that Saula in me taking over.) But even then...if he's happy..then so am I. The man is a walking god and his presence is always known. I so want to be apart of SCU so that I can know even more about the man I worship so much and absolutely love!! This is an essential part in my life, and I feel that I am fit to attend your University!! Thanks so much for your time!


Off to the cold dorms with you! Although you'll have to take back that comment about the faux fur bag our dear President insists on carrying everywhere. - Juliet

i am submitting a personal essay in hope that i can be a part of SCU. Lets see my past dating history, well i have only had two boyfriends the first one was a robber, liar, cheater and a hitter. The second one i love with all my heart, although he ain't Simon! I wish to attend SCU so that i can maybe meet sir Simon Cowell, and also have a certificate to prove how mad i am about him. My career goals regarding Simon meet him and make him mine!
Please let me in your university and say hello to simon!

Girlfriend gets a free pass on the licking the scar thing. She's earned it!!! - Juliet

It's half 11 I've been waiting 2 be connected for 2 hours and now I am finally here for 1 reason and 1 reason only to become a member of the uni of simon cowell!:D I've been a fan of this gorgeous g-d for a long time now and seeing as I am only a teen it's the closest I am going to get to the man of my dreams!I would like to follow his teachings and gain more knowledge from my time in the univeristy. Out to make Simon proud!:D **staying awake all night** **fingers crossed I've passed!**

Nikita x

Oooh, dedicated to her studies already. Come on in! - Juliet

i would love to be apart of the simon cowell university as i admire and adore simon for being truthful and honest to the pop idol potentials and he is missunderstood by both the public and the press for being a villian and being nasty and harsh i love simon as he is himself and not someone else as what u see with simon is what u get and the press and public should accept him for being himself and i would love to meet mr cowell as i feel as though i have quite a bit in common with him long with simon cowell he is the king!!!!!


As long as you remember who the princess is. - Juliet

What can i say??
He's a darling
Ya just wanna take him home!


Sorry, home schooling is not available but you can check scrapbooks out of the
library if you want. - Juliet

My mom and pop truly think I am God's gift to earth. Ever since i was 6 years old I have entered many competitions for dancing and singing and acting, you name it, and I have NEVER received less that a silver medal. I was also spotted at the age of 11 and asked to model for a top agency which has opened up many new opportunities for me and I even got the chance to be an extra in a film!
When I was 14, i was already being asked to do catwalks and photo shoots for the likes of French Connection, DKNY and was the main model in the popular NEXT catalogue. I was, and still am, a regular in my local newspaper.
As far as my academic ability goes, I have never in my life, achieved below an A grade in an exam of any type and never will. I have achieved grade 8 in piano, grade 5 on flute, grade 6 on violin, grade 7 in singing and have completed my musical theatre. I have a scholarship to 7 top universities also.
In sports, ever since I started the school, I have been the captain of the A's hockey team, the netball team and I was even shortlisted to go to the commonwealth games to do gymnastics!
Aside from all that, I have many Friends and lots of boys fancy me, I am tremendously beautiful and popular and a devoted Christian.
Not a day goes by when I don't have some guy come to my house and tie roses or a letter to the gate of my house. It can get irritating but it is flattering.
So Simon, I think I meet your standards, I am 100% perfect and you are 110% perfect so I think we would get on famously. First things first, please let me join your college as I adore you particularly on Pop Idol

Love and kisses

Lauren xoxoxoxoxo

I was going to reject you on principle because no one deserves all that AND Simon,
but what the hell. - Juliet

I believe that it is in my best interest that I am accepted to this school immediately. Simon is the sexiest man I have ever seen. I gladly bow my head and accept whatever position...I mean assignment he requests of me. i would bend over...backwards just to get that A from him. I am on my praise of the sexy Prince of Darkness.


Equal Opportunity Institution, we are. Anything else I was going to say would be censored by HFS so I'll stop now. - Juliet

I LOVE SIMON, is what many people would say but I am different. I respect him. He is the only person i know who actually says what he means.when i see him on TV he brings me hope for the rest of humanity that some day the rest of the world will follow his lead and be able to say exactly what is on their mind and not be forced to hide what they feel.also the trousers really do it for me.

Miss Laura

Yeah, the trousers do it for me, too. - Juliet

I wish to attend the Simon Cowell University. I love Simon Cowell and am even in a club called "Simon Lovers Only!" I love anything having to do with Simon Cowell and I love how he can express what he truly feels so easily.

In the past, I've aspired to become a singer and a teacher. Now I know that this is not what I want to do for the rest of my life. I should consider something like A Simon Cowell Historian or something like that.


You sound like his Personal Assistant to me. We'll look at your class schedule. - Juliet

Dear Dean Speaks:

Hello. I am writing for acceptance to Simon Cowell University. Since viewing 2 seasons of American Idol and acquiring ample knowledge of Mr. Cowell through various television and magazine interviews, I believe that I am ready for higher education where Simon Cowell is involved. I also believe that in order for the best and most comprehensive learning experience Simon Cowell University is the place for me, thus my acceptance is imperative.
While Mr. Cowell may prefer leggy brunettes over petite blondes, which I am, it is my goal to make him see past physical appearances and find that I am a sexy beast at heart just like himself. I am completely aware of the fastidious nature of Simon and I am completely willing to accommodate that in my lifestyle. Furthermore, I have taken to speaking like His Highness by adding a plethora of new and exciting words such as Dreadful, insipid, abysmal, horrendous, and appalling to my vocabulary, also on occasion I seem to pick up a British Accent (which makes The Man/God so much sexier).

My hobbies and extra curricular activities include:

1. Watching American Idol (seasons 1 and 2)
2. Watching and reading interviews with the aforementioned Mr. Cowell.
3. Looking at pictures of Mr. Cowell and giggling at his incredible sexiness
4. Gymnastics (it makes me bendy, which I'm sure Simon will appreciate)
5. Singing (Don't laugh, I'm really good...even Simon wouldn't be able to say a bad word about it)

Like Liaraven, I too will be auditioning for Season 4 and I believe that with the education SCU could provide me, I will be able to win Simon Cowell over and become not only America's next Superstar, but Simon's personal one also.

If this essay is not enough to convince you Dean Speaks, I have attached a picture of Manolo Blahniks and a Kate Spade bag which I will one day (after becoming Simon;s Superstar) get for you. Unfortunately, right now I don't have enough money in my bank account for either one of those purchases. Also attached is a picture of me...don't ask why...just ask why Simon would refuse me.

Muah! Colleen the Bean


And we have ourselves a winner. -Juliet

I dont need an essay, Juliet said she'd let whoever could help her figure out html, in SCU... I did it... go me! Thanks J !!!

Angel Babie

Hell yes, I did. Thank YOU! -Juliet

I would like to be admitted to this uni for two reasons. Firstly I already have a main stream degree & feel studying the master will help me succeed in life. Secondly I was at a wedding & caught the bouquet. I am told this means that I will marry soon & that I would dream of my future groom. I since dreamt of Simon repeatedly. Obviously it is imperative for me to learn as much as possible in order to fully understand & please my true love.

Bil Bob

Let it never be said that I trifled with the Power of the Bouquet. -Juliet

Ok, here goes. My life was utterly incomplete until I saw... Simon Cowell. The first time I saw him was on the first British Pop Idol final and Oh My God! There he sat, incredibly laid back in an Black blazer suit with an OPEN silver shirt showing the promising signs of a hairy chest (Sign of a REAL man). I fell in love there. That night he filled my dreams and hasn't left them since (it's been 20 months)
In the last 20 months I have collected over 150 pics of him (5 of them topless!) 5 interviews, 40 Video Clips and had an application form to go to a Pop Idol audition but unfortunately could not go due to a family event (Damn my Gran & Grandads 40th Wedding Anniversary!)
It is my life long ambition marry Simon Cowell, I am a Leo and he is a Libra, so it's written in the stars!
Please, Please, Please accept me, it brings me that one bit closer to fulfilling my dream.


Natasha W. (A Simon Cowell DEVOTEE)

Natasha, you sent me a picture but not one of him TOPLESS? Bring them to me! Admission deferred. -Juliet

I would love to be admitted to the Simon Cowell University because I find him intriguing, fascinating and generally amazing. I agree with everything he says, he always speaks the truth in my eyes. I worship the only man that should be worshipped on this earth: Simon Cowell. I have watched him vigorously through every episode of AI and he is better than all the rest. He makes me laugh and his dress sense is so gorgeous that I wish I could be him. If I met him I would go weak at the knees and be speechless. It would be an honour if I could study the one and only Simon Cowell. He is a wonderfully contagious man, and that is why I wish to devote my life to Simon Cowell!

I truly need to be part of the SCU community, for the good of myself and the people around me. I would be unbearable if I was not accepted. No other university could cope with my obsession for "The Perfect One." He is the man of my dreams.


If we met him you'd have to call an ambulance. We have a sister in you, I think. -Juliet

walking alone down the street, singing to myself, looking up to see a fabulous looking the man stands he is mr. simon cowell who i desire.
then i thought maybe i could join his university or something.
i'm only hoping and dreaming that i manage to be accepted in this brilliant school and if i do, i am going to o so well, study hard and make the most of life just like simon cowell himself.
i love simon and i am looking into SCU if i get in or not.
He is the worlds greatest man!


I've had this experience, except not really because I didn't actually see him, it was a cardboard cutout at the mall and, you know, you probably don't want to hear the rest of that. -Juliet

There is no doubt in my mind that I need to attend Simon Cowell University. I not only want to attend, it is essential for my sanity! I will devote every part of myself to SCU for one reason and one reason only; I am deeply in love with the Simon Cowell. I don't even know where to begin! It could be the devilish grin, the tight black t-shirts, his amazing chest, his accent, ~sigh~ or it could just be everything about him!!

I cannot help but be obsessed with this man. He is everything I could ever want in a man and should be a prime example and inspiration to men everywhere. Simon has taken over my life in every way so why not go to SCU and learn everything there is to know about this great man!?

I have tested negative for all sexually transmitted diseases and controlled substances. My dating history is pretty small, being 15 I have yet to be in a "serious" relationship; aside from the occasional crush.

I promise to worship, love and idolize Simon Cowell and never use any unnecessary words associated with him. Such as T*rri. And I guess groveling never hurt what the heck. Please, please, please grant me admittance to your amazing University to study the most amazing man ever! It would make me the happiest girl alive!

~*~Desperate, yet sincere sounding~*~


Groveling is good; groveling is wise. -Juliet

Dear SCU,

After months of denial I faced facts. I was in love with your president. Then I faced some pleasant facts. I met his requirements exactly, firstly in that at 34 I fell perfectly within his age range (he allegedly prefers his women to be in their 30's), secondly in that I have my own house, career and money and thirdly in that I (honestly) look a little like him in that I have the same eye definition and hair colour, only my locks are long yet thick, softly curling and copious, he could not resist pushing his beautiful hands through it if only he could see me. And that's when I faced the very unpleasant fact of the access barrier.

I've always known I had no future as a pop star but falling way outside the age restrictions for Pop Idol meant I couldn't meet him that way. I wrote him a letter of introduction enclosing my e-mail address but I knew he wouldn't reply even if he wanted to so I couldn't meet him that way. I applied for a job as a runner on the second series of Pop Idol and received the ultimate insult of being offered a similar job on a different show so I couldn't meet him that way. And on scouring the internet for new leads I stumbled across your university, learned of the 12/3 NYC signing, knew the one hour bus ride to Heathrow, the two hour check in at Heathrow, the Five hour flight from Heathrow and the ten hour queue in Fifth Avenue would Be time well spent and was about to book when I learned the date coincided With my neighbourhood's annual Christmas booze cruise to France. Now I was faced with the horrible fact of an impossible choice - coming within touching distance of my destiny or coming within conflict of breaking tradition and loyalty to my best friends of more than twenty years.

And now the fact is that on December 3, my long tumbling locks of soft Curls just might have a pair of hands pushing through it - the icy forking talons of Jack Frost on the ferry deck. Who needs your mates when you have Simon? Make the most of him while you can though - once he sees me there'll be No going back.


P.S - Any suggestions on how I can meet him? Can there be anything more frustrating than knowing full well you are the key to Simon's future happiness yet the poor man has it denied to him through competition and celebrity protocol? And don't say beg, borrow or steal tickets for Pop Idol - seeing and meeting are not the same thing.

I have no suggestions on meeting him, I haven't done it myself, honestly, but I think you've been through enough hardship for one life. Maybe he'll show up to bed check one night -Juliet

I absolutly love Simon Cowell. Since the first Pop Idol I have been a complete fan and joining SCU would make my life complete...

Russell C.

Poof! Your life is complete! (I love when I can do that.) -Juliet

I would like to have admission to the Simon Cowell University because...because he's a REAL BEAUTIFUL accent and...hehe, he LIKES Paula. Do I have to write more?


Nah. Except lay low on the Paula thing when you get here cause I'm not exactly on board with that, if you know what I mean. -Juliet

Please accept me into SCU. I am SOOOOOOO obsessed with Simon it drives my parents crazy. I've got about 60 pictures, maybe even more of him in my room. He's all I talk about anymore, my screen name is Simon Cowell related, and I have a journal where I write poems about him and paste in articles and anythin else about this......... ohhhhh......... DROP DEAD AND BEYOND HANDSOME MAN!! I always dream about making out with him cus I think he would be an excellent kisser (I had to use the word excellent. I couldn't think of a better word at the moment ). I have never been on a date. I'm only 13. I have had 2 school crushes, one in kindergarten and one in 2nd grade in which I had a crush on a 4th grader. None of those boys are as good looking as Simon or will ever be.

Now back to talking about Simon. I fancy his British accent and brutal honesty which I find amusing 99.9% of the time. (I loved it when Simon said he's right 99.9% of the time. I believe truly believe him ) His body, oh my, what can I say. Wouldn't you just love to cuddle with him on a cold winter night? He'd keep me warm, that's for sure. I've dreamt about that a lot. I think he looks so hot in an Armani suit especially when he has the first 3 or 4 buttons of the white dress shirt unbuttoned. I would also just love to run my fingers through his black hair. I love him soooooo much! I would never do him wrong. Please accept me!


Quick, HFS! Express this girl a Cuddle Me Simon! She's going to implode before we even get her here! - Juliet

She's guaranteed the next one off the line... -HFS

My mom always tells me, "If you put as much thought into school as you do into Simon you would have straight A's". If I was accepted into Simon Cowell University I would thrive to finish school with the highest academics as possible. My friends make fun of me saying how obsessed I am with Sir Cowell (he should be knighted). I myself, wouldnt call it an "obsession" Im just a "devoted fan". If you going to be a fan of something or someone you have to be serious about it. My goals in life are to,

1. Meet the great Simon Cowell
2. Get into SCU, the best university imaginable.

I'm working on goal one, but YOU can make goal number 2 happen.



If I put as much thought into writing a website for money as I do for writing sites for free, I might not have to go to work. I'm all over your goals, bring on #1! -Juliet

Gosh..where do I start? His Hottness.

The first time I noticed Simon Cowell was the 3rd episode of American Idol Season 2. I never saw season 1 except the last two episodes. A shame really, being that in those two episodes I only saw seconds of His Hottness. But from that 3rd episode I was hooked. Thus my obsession was born. Loads of magazines and blank videos became permanently printed on my grocery lists. Every episode of Extra, E! News Live, Entertainment Tonight, Inside Editon that featured Simon was recorded. Every picture and article from In Touch, People, and US was cut out and put into a scrapbook. Season 1, which I had never seen, was purchased online. Scores of pictures and articles were printed from websites and also put into the scrapbook.

I love everything about this man. He does however possess two faults: a horrible smoking habit and an infamous crème Armani sweater. But the many things I love about him drown these faults. I love that his honesty is genuine and not act put on like some celebrities. I love his work ethic because at this rate I am getting Simon fixes weekly. I love that while he is blunt and seemingly open, there is still that air of mystery about him. I love that while his love life is highly documented, he doesn't kiss and tell. I love that he loves a good love song. I love that he personally picked out some the best loves songs for Westlife to record. I love the naughty grin he puts on during certain interviews. I love that he doesn't bother to hide his annoyance where its rightly deserved.
I consider myself a TRUE Simon fan in every way. As a true fan I like all things that make Simon happy. I like Terri as long as Simon is happy with her. I do not for second believe she is cover girlfriend like most people. I know and like Simon enough to know he would never waste a year of his life with someone that didnt make him happy. I'm not ashamed to say I created the AWWWW and His Hottness threads. Also, as a true fan I read his book cover to cover. I didn't immediately skip to the parts where he talked about Paula Abdul.

I'm also horribly jealous of the United Kingdom. I hate that the only way I can watch Pop Idol is on my crappy media player. I hate that he is continually featured in the UK mags, Heat and OK! I hate that if I want either mag I have to drive 40 miles to get it. I hate that we didn't get to see the documentary, Being Simon Cowell. I hate that he is referred to as Mr. Nasty or Judge Dread. I hate that ALL but one Westlife cds are sold worldwide except in the U.S. I hate that I'm reduced to watching Howard Stern (a man I despise) for a Simon fix.(Not only a Simon fix, but another Big Ben sighting!)

And at the end of the day, while I LOVE Kelly Clarkson and Clay Aiken, Simon is the ONLY reason I watch American Idol.

Lastly, I'm grateful to Tattered Dreams, The Simon Times, and all boards dedicated to one of the Sexiest Men Alive. (eat your heart out Johnny Depp) Also, I'm grateful to the actors Victor Garber and Billy Petersen. If not for them my Simon obsession would be criminal.


I thank Bradley Whitford every day for saving me from the Evil Vortex of Simon Mania, so I won't fault you for having backups. I'm also peeing my pants about "The Hottness". -Juliet

Did we just out "Big Ben"?? -HFS

Dear Dean Speaks and Dean HFS,

I would like to apply for admission to Simon Cowell University. I already possess an undergraduate degree, however, I am unsatisfied with my current occupation and the options that my degree offers me in the way of marketability. I am certain that graduate work and an advanced degree from SCU will increase my bankable skills -- and even if they don't, spending hours upon hours studying the man that is Simon Cowell certainly will improve my disposition.

I do not have a current boyfriend, and how could I? Everyone I meet gets compared to Simon Cowell and falls incredibly short. Between his white smile, his thick dark hair, those incredible eyes, and his total honesty, who could measure up?

With my current Bachelor's degree, I have proven that I can reach my goals and complete something start to finish. I would like the opportunity to demonstrate that at your University as well. I think the Communications department is the best place for my graduate work, given my Bachelor's degree in English and my dedication to writing about Simon. But I trust your judgment, and I know I will enjoy my studies in whichever field you deem appropriate.

I, like so many others, adore everything about him -- everything except for his smoking habit. I hope that if I'm given the chance to meet him, I will be able to convince him to give up the Kools -- there's so much more that you can do orally other than inhale carcinogens.

I look forward to admission to Simon Cowell University, and I am eager to begin my studies. Point me toward the library and let me at Simon!



I'm thinking VPA or Biology might be the place for you, but we'll start you off in Comm. Always need TAs over there. -Juliet




Hello, my name is Melody.

I think Simon is awesome...and absolutely gorgeous.

He doesn't mess around and says it like it is...and even warns all the contestants that they might not like what he has to say.

Anyways I just wanted to say that he is a great person.

And Simon? Dont ever stop who you are and what you are.



Not an admissions essay, I know, but I love it just the same. -Juliet

My past dating experiences?? Hmmmm.. Honestly I never had a date until I was 22 yrs old an in Simon's book that is appalling. I want to join SCU because I am special and am an important person. I love learning about Simon and what makes him tick and why he is so dang hot is a goal in life and attending SCU will help me with that goal! SIMON COWELL-those are two words in my vocab that I never tire of saying or hearing! I can only hope to be as rude and truthful as him one day!!


Why wait? I'm as rude and truthful as he is NOW! C'mon over and I'll help you out - Juliet

Hi. My name is Sue. I'm addicted to Simon.

IOW, I'm in love with him. Shit happens. I can't be over complimentary to him. Honestly, I think he's gay. He has to be. Every man I fall in love with is gay. Besides, he's really good looking. And every guy that good looking is gay. Trust me on this one.

Last, but not least, I was snooping online for info on him. I found out tonight SIMON IS 3 YEARS YOUNGER THAN I! NO!! Talk about droll! That means Simon is only 44. Sorry Simon, I really thought you were more like.... 54...... Burst my bubble. Hell. I don't like younger guys (I could make an exception).

In spite of all my hyper-criticisms, and the fact that I won't have casual sex anymore (ya, I'm THAT old!), I'd make an exception for Simon.



He'll be happy to hear that, especially since he'll have to prove he's straight SOMEHOW. -Juliet

Dear SCU,

Before season 3, I had never really watched an episode of American Idol, but I decided hey, I knew when it was going to be on, so I sat down on my couch and turned on Fox. Right from the first episode, I think I knew I felt something weird going on. Simon Cowell. What an interesting person. So I decided to check out some websites about this so called Mr. Nasty. From watching the show and going on to, I discovered one main thing; Simon Cowell is a god. I'm studying Greek Mythology and gods tend to go down to Earth and visit for a lifetime or so, and it made me wonder.

I'm only 14, and people my age typically fall for Justin Timberlake, or Brad Pitt. And maybe their right, maybe all of us Simon lovers are blind, but I doubt it. Truth be told, we're the only ones who see the light. I laugh at those who swoon over Ben Affleck, HA! They dont know what they're missing. Do all of those people have a special university dedicated to them? I think not! Anyway we have to face the facts, Mr. Cowell (for some reason) isn't on the top of most peoples to do lists. His sexiness and mysteriousness probably intimidates them, along with his harsh but absolutely true comments. Theyre music to my ears. There hasnt been one time Ive watched American Idol without wanting to fall to my knees saying We're not worthy! We're not worthy! God, he's amazing! I can just picture him with whips and chains - *swish whip* SAY IT AGAIN BITCH! OH SIMON I'M THE WORST SINGER IN THE WORLD! - *swish whip*

OK I'm back. Anyway just to wrap things up, Simon Cowell should be ruler of the world and everyone should refer to him as The Great One.

Happy Simon-dreaming!

Rachel S.

BWAHAHAHAHA!!! Oh, off to VPA with you, my dear! - Juliet

I would really like to get into SCU because I love Mr. Cowell so much! When ever each season of American Idol ends I get so sad because I don't get to see him as much. It would be awesome to be at SCU where I can I see him 24-7. I want to be with him, or at least meet him so badly, that I am even willing to go and audition for American Idol 4 just to meet him. Even if I don't get through. I can't even sing!! But, it would be all worth it just to meet him. PLEASE don't make me have to put him through the torture of listening to me sing. He already has to with so many others. I belong at SCU because I am a true Simon Cowell fan for life. I am so obsessed that at night when I go to sleep I have his pictures right by me so that I know he's watching over no matter where he's at. I even made a little cheer for Mr.Cowell-"Simon Cowell, he's our man, if he can't do it, no one can!!" Go SCU!!


Ah, a cheerleader? He'll LOVE you - Juliet

Dating to me is to be taking seriously and I think I do.I want to be a F.B.I. agent because a dream of mine. I want to take a course in Biology and History because it could help me along the way to my dream. I'd also like a plan B. And that will need a course in Fine Arts to do as well as English. Maybe even a little Communication. So please consider me for the year 2010. Thank you.

RL Ramsay

Okay. -Juliet

EDIT, people....EDIT!!!!! -HFS


Well, not only do I just ADORE Simon Cowell, I think he would (*crosses fingers*) adore me too. Not only am I tan but I'm also a dancer so that would make me pretty flexible for his needs. I also bellydance so I can entertain gorgeous Mr.Cowell with my skills as well as teach other girls how to bellydance so Mr.Cowell can have a full fledged harem. As well as the above, I have a fair amount of experience in role playing and love of the idea of being *with* Mr.Cowell. And also, as much as I am not a promiscuous person (despite what anyone may think from the above), I don't mind sharing Mr.Cowell with other girls. After all, everyone needs an education!


ps. I just love the dorm rooms! They are so beautiful and soundproofing them was a stroke of genius! It's so nice that everyone wants to make sure that no one is distracted from their studies by fellow students.

We think of everything, my darling. Except bellydancing -- we didnt think of that. Tuition waived. -Juliet


The reason I have decided to pursue SCU is because the knowledge offered is of vital importance. I had the pleasure of reading Mr. Cowell's book (twenty or so times) and found so much wit, intelligence, insight, and depth in the pages, that I anxiously await his next literary work of art. His was the first book that I have read where something (like the job interviews) would strike me so funny that I was torn between reading the page again or going on to the next page knowing that more Cowell greatness was to come. I religously tape American Idol and also have the A&E Simon Cowell Biography on tape. The man is perfection personofied! I feel I have a great deal of background information that I've already attained on Simon Cowell, and like all great things in life, I'm thirsty for more.

Please consider my application for acceptance. I currently write Simon and Paula based fan fiction on the designated website.



a.k.a. ThankGod4Rog

"Perfection personified." Nice alliteration there. We should add that to the T-shirts. - Juliet

Dear Simon Cowell University,

My love affair with Simon Cowell started out during the first season American Idol. My cousin got me hooked onto the show but the first main reason I kept watching it was because of Mr. Sexy himself, Simon. I loved his honesty and he was downright hilarious. I agreed with him about the contestants. And how can anyone resist his British accent. I could listen to him talk for days. For example, just listening to the 'Mr Drive With Simon' video clip on was mesmerizing. I think if I met I him, I would just stare at him and smile or probably just fall straight onto the floor. One more thing, those biceps can sure make a girl go insane. So I think I can add a lot to the Simon Cowell University with my love for Simon!

So peace out and here's to my obsession with Simon and Paula! (I can't help buy shamlessly plug my


We agree; President Cowell could read the phone book and we'd all stop to listen. Extra credit to you if you can get him to do it... - Juliet

I do hope that this essay will persuade you to allow me to study at the absolutely divine Simon Cowell University. Not only am I a die-hard Simon fan, but I also have no sexually transmitted diseases. As I understand, applicants to this university must be STD free. Now, let me begin...I am a hard-working, emotionally strong person and have nothing but pure admiration for Mr. Simon Phillip Cowell. (See? I even know his middle name! Yay, go me! 'Phillip' with one L or two?) Ok, disregard what I said in the parentheses for it was extremely childish. Secondly, I do have an ardent desire to immerse myself in the studies of Simon Cowell. He is an exceptional example of a human being and one can only dream of becoming half the person he is. Oh, and one last thing...he's hott. And I'm not talkin' hott. I'm talkin' like really hott.

PS-Sorry, but I have a cold. *cough*Simon and Paula should be together*cough*forever*cough*. *Hoping you didn't notice my sneaky and kniving coughing cover-up.* Wow, glad all that coughing is over. My throat hurts now.


*cough*hebelongstome*cough* Admission granted, though you'll have to take antibiotics for that nasty cold before we let you move in. - Juliet

An essay huh? I haven't done one of these in about 10 years, but I'll give it a shot. I can honestly say I have lus-... er, adored Simon from the first moment I saw him. He made me laugh, and that above everything else is most important. I also adore his cocky arrogance and brutal honesty. Some would be turned off by such traits, but me? I find them sexy as ever. And I'm going to be honest here. I LOVE the idea of Simon and Paula. She brings out such a fun, sexy, playful side to him that I just adore watching, BUT if it came down to it, and she was the only thing standing in the way between me and him...I'm pretty sure I could take her.


"Pretty sure"? Just, "pretty sure"? Get thee to the gym, Pat. You have to KNOW you can put her ass down before we let you graduate. - Juliet

Lately all of my time has been spent up watching clips of the one and only Simon Cowell. I have just recently downloaded the pushups clip and I almost passed out because of how hot he is. My friends at school continue to make fun of me because I am so deeplt in love with Simon. I continue to print off pictures from the internet and show them to my friends and say "how can you not love this man, look at him."I hope that you will accept my essay so that I can discuss the Great Simon with others who feel the same as I do.


I didn't read anything after "pushup clip". Come on over.

And bring the clip. - Juliet


i simply adore mr.simon cowell because of those criticisms that he tell to the american idol finalist. im a simple sweet girl who don't know how to critize people or even things! but with the help of mr.cowell, i learn. how?
-MariEcoR Filan
Looks like we might have our work cut out for us, but OK. -HFS

My entire life revolves around Simon Cowell. I have a large family of much younger brothers and sisters and everyone of them know who Simon is. I've gotten my grandmother addicted to him, as well as my mother. There is numerous pictures displayed and framed of him and a few of him and Paula (I'm also a very active "Saula" fan) in my bedroom.
Bring mom and grandma...but leave the Saula at home. -HFS

I do not have a past dating history one because I am only 15 and two because no one could live up to the standards of Mr.Cowell who I long to be with (laughs out loud).Even though I have never dated a guy I know men are asses.Not only are men asses most people are asses too.Basically what I am getting at is anyone who doesn't agree with me or share my views isn't worth my time.One of my favorite quotes "Everyone is entitled to my opinion" explains perfectly my feelings.I am always right and that is all that matter.Besides that I enjoy critizing anything and everything,wearing blue t-shirts and beige pants all the time,not meaning to be rude but...,being right,arguing etc.I would love to have the quickest comebacks and the best wardrobe ever just like Simon one day (laughing out loud again).This is why I would like to be excepted into SCU.

By Stefanie W.

Go to the front of the line. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Simon should looooove you. -HFS

i want to join the simon cowell university simply because I am a big fan of that brit judge.I think that he is cool and handsome.......I really want to join this university because I want to be a part of this very prestigous school of the very prestigous man himself.........Simon Cowell
ann mordido
Simple and to the point. Works for me. -HFS

Simon. One word that describes Obsession, Sex, Love and My Future. He embodies Sex Appeal and knows it too. There are a few points to be raised.  (writer goes on to name the points in great detail, most of which cannot be posted here. They include, however, his eyes, mouth, smell, voice and fashion -ed) All in all, I say Simon should be worshipped, adored and loved.
- SingWithTheDead/Aitara

We do too, hence the need for SCU. Welcome! I'd work on the name a little though.

ps. He smells GREAT, by the way. -HFS

Wow where to begin! I'm obsessed and can think of no1 else who will put up wi my obsession.I'm goin 2 d x factor concert and am willing to fight my way past Simon's HUGE bodyguard (have u seen him!!!) to even catch a glimpse of the king.And none of my friends want 2 sit nxt 2 me cos i'm so simon obsessed ( i really am).i have countless pix,video/audio clips and my life is dedicated to all things cowell.And my friends r gettin sick of my constant simon babble! I need someone to share my obsession with and all the students so far sound completely obsessed! PERFECT!! PLEASE LET ME IN!!! My life is meaningless without Simon,I admit it,I'm completely addicted n dont no wot im gona do in a few wks wen d x factor finishes! Where will i get my Simon fix?!
Laura H
If we let u in, do u promise not 2 write like dis? Pls? -HFS

Dear Admissions Dept.,
With a clean bill of health and no dating record to speak of I'd like to call upon current events for my Simon quest. I want to be Paula the rat. Think about it you'd get to live with him, he'd feed you, wash you, and pet you. And you could crawl all over his body when he put you on his shoulder (his prefered method of carrying rats). Isn't that the life?
I'd rather be his girlfriend, but, whatever floats your boat. -HFS

I am a 30 year old happily married woman.......that is,until I discovered Simon.It shames me to admit I have only recently discovered this beautiful,honest,sexy,Kools smoking,high-waisted trousered Adonis.I have found my calling-a bit late in life,yes,but not a moment too soon.I must satisfy my quench for knowledge of all things Simon.Therefore,I humbly ask for your acceptance so that I may pursue my higher education.
Carol L.
The perfect example of how it's NEVER too late to go back to school! Better late than never, Carol. Welcome! -HFS

To say I really like Simon Cowell is an understatement. He is my most Favourite celebrities of all time. I recently saw him on a comic relief advert for walkers crisps and I my mouth dropped as I saw him on this advert. I can even do an impression of Simon!
I think hes a fantastic person. He is right in what he says, he is being honest. There is no point in telling someone who has a bad voice, that there good. When he does compliment someone it will mean more to them. It's that simple. I have made a folder on my computer where I put all my Simon Cowell findings. If he wasn't in these shows, I don't think they would get as many viewers as they would. Oh and he also has the same name as me! SIMON!. Please let me join the Simon Cowell University as I want to be a part of it.
Many thanks,
Likes Simon? Check.
Orgainizational skills? Check.
Cool name? Check.
Does impression of President Cowell? Check.
Sounds like a winning combination to me! -HFS

Past relationships? There have been about 4 or 5. I'm actually involved with someone right now and he's jealous of Simon, lmfao. He gets mad when I talk about him, which is like... A LOT, but he'd never brake up with me....

I LOVE SIMON BECAUSE HES.... hot, sexy, british, and, even though some people do not believe this, he's actually really nice.



I'll let you in temporarily, but I'll need a letter from mom before I can approve you for next semester. -HFS

My recent dating history lasted about 6 months with this man who had other girlfriends.Mr Cowell is a great a man and worked very hard to get to place where he is now,worth 70 million dollars and one of the world's greatest reality television show celebrities .I sincerely love Simon and I think he is the hottest,sexiest,and most attractive man on Earth.Even though I'm only 23 years old I would love to be Simon's girlfriend just because he's real.I use most of my time Online to write Simon fan fictions,updating my Simon Cowell fan page,and looking at other Simon sites .I am a singer but I do not want to be on American Idol for some reason but I would love to learn more about Simon.The man who makes American Idol American Idol. That is why I deserve to attend SCU.
Bring the fanfic! -HFS

Past dating experience includes four boyfriends, each nice in their own right, but they just couldn't match up to my all time idol, Simon Cowell. This is the perfect place for me to learn everything about Simon Cowell, I am doing this simply to further my knowledge in Simon, and I will be using this information to let people know what a cool and sexy person Simon Cowell really is, no more bashing on him from anybody I know. Also I have a real thing for guys who wear those type of jeans...
Christina L
It's hard to find a man to measure up to Simon. Welcome to our world, Christina! -HFS

My name is _________. I saw an advertisment on your website for a personal assistant to Simon Cowell.
I was wondering if you could give me more information, whether I would need to send my CV (resume) to you.
Many thanks.
Name withheld to protect her stupidity.
Seriously. We get this ALL the time. READ THE DISCLAIMERS PEOPLE!

Dear HFS and all,
As a non-traditional (read: mature--well kind of) student at St. Thomas of Assisi University in Bumble**ck, Ohio, I would like to apply for your graduate degree program leading to a MRS (Mistress of Recumbent Studies) degree.
I believe I am well qualified for this program as I have maintained a 3.62 average in my theology major which would prepare me for the development of Simon's personal cult following. I also have two minors--one in anthropology (the study of man) and another in journalism, which would be of great use in promoting Simon's greatness to the ends of the known universe (OK, I'm ambitious!).
Some have wondered if a theology major should be entering graduate level studies at an institution such as your own; however, I believe it is quite acceptable as all of my current theology professors have STD's (Doctors of Sacred Theology--no, I'm not kidding!!!).
I believe my qualifications are unique, and that my presence would be an asset to your student body. I look forward to hearing from you regarding my acceptance in the near future. I would also like to receive a schedule of fees for such things as student activities, technology, etc. Also, is there an office of Student Academic Support for slower students? I tend to have to be shown some manual operations repeatedly(!).
Thank you for your kind attention and assistance. I look forward to a fruitful educational experience at SCU.
Special tutoring is available if you have any problems. I'm sure you'll do fine. As for the schedule of fees, don't worry about it. The best thing about our fine institution is that it's FREE! -HFS

Dear SCU,
I am a huge fan of Simon Cowell. I watch all episodes of American Idle, Pop Idle and the X Factor. I have many copies of Mr. Cowells biography and have read it more than 100 times. If I was accepted I would work incredibly hard to please the university. As I mentioned before I am a huge fan of Mr. Cowell and I think he is the most kind, good- looking and clever human being in the world. I am a virgin, I don't smoke or drink. I am bright and extremly hard- working. It would be my dream to be a student at SCU.
from no1fan
Repeat after me...American IDOL...Pop IDOL...there we go. Much better. Glad to know you've read the required textbook 100 times, you should be well prepared. Just work on that Idle/Idol thing, OK?? -HFS

Dear SCU

I could write a long essay, extolling all of the Great Man's virtues, from his sculpted body, chiselled features, eloquent speech patterns, sex-god eyes and his razor sharp wit. So I will. Simon Cowell has first but not only, the hottest body known to all umankind. His toned biceps and his broad chest, so obviously flaunted in those tight black shirts. Let's focus on this chest for a moment. It's shaped perfectly and you can almost smell the pheremones leaking into your brain. (Let's take a moment to mop up the drool.)
His legs are sturdy, gorgeous and strong. His well shaped ass is perfect for all orts of activities. Squeezing, carressing, stroking... anything really. He is versatile and skilled. His hands are broad and appear to be a delight to be spanked by.

His jaw is strong and his hair is thick. His teeth are white and sharp while his tongue is sensual.Next there is his sarcasm. His wit. His frank honesty. The way his eyes twinkle sexily whenever he laughs, as though Sex is never far from his thoughts. He makes smoking sexy, and his taste in fashion and cars shows his frank sexyness off to the world.

Simon Cowell has raw animal magnetism and shows that there are some real men left in the world.I have much free time, and a mind thirsty for Simon related knowledge. Though many say Simon and Paula belong together... I say if Paula has had this long and hasn't jumped into his bed and screamed "Take me now!" by this point in time, she's forfeited her right to him.

I have been spreading the Gospel of Simon to the land of Australia for over a year now. I major at school in "Singing Simon's Praises", "Art and Graphic Design using Simon" and "Physical Education." I believe all of these skills will come in handy when serving Simon. (I also have an extensive whip, chain, handcuff, whipped cream and fudge collection.)

I'm sorry...did you say something? I got distracted by the supporting photos. Bring the whips, chains, and handcuffs. President Cowell has recently revealed his fondness of handcuffs. And his enjoyment of being stroked until he falls to sleep. Imagine? -HFS

I was kicked out of school because I was so obsessed with Simon Cowell. He was the one thing I obsessed over (other than myself of course - I'm incredibly vain), and it was affecting the way I did my schoolwork. Eventually, I went crazy and killed myself cause Simon didn't know who I was.

Scratch that. It didn't happen, but it will soon.

 - Robyn

You'll never have to worry about being kicked out of SCU! -HFS

My previous relationship lasted about a year which ended because we lived too far apart. My reasons for wanting to attend the simon cowell university is the man himself has a very strange likness to extremley high trousers and he is honest and funny. please let me attend.
I'll let you in, despite the fact you mentioned the high trousers.
Tsk, Tsk... -HFS

My past dating history is with 278 men, and only 2 of them were interested in making out, were hot, (but not as hot as simon), had a double bed, and a personality, but both were dumped because of total dumbness. For example, they put my box of tampons in the shower.


You could date 1,000 men, you'll never find one as hot as Simon. Good luck trying, though. Welcome to SCU! -HFS

Ever since I my eyes on him, have been thinking of nothing else.  I dont even care if I will faint when I get to grab his butt.  So, I am meeting this challenge head-on.  And the starting point before the collision becomes  a 'write-off'  is to get admitted to SCU.  Well, how I would do just about anything and my believing heart tells me strongly that I am almost there. 
You're there! And uh...let me know how the butt grabbing goes, ok? -HFS

My mum and I love the guy. I think hes drop dead gorgeous hes got such cute facial expressions and a smile that melts my heart. We both watch x  factor, xtra factor and american idol .Hes my ultimate fantasy man . I sometimes dream about him . It would be a dream come true to meet him or even get a glimpse of him in the flesh. My heart would race and i would find it difficult to contain my excitement as i would be dying to kiss/cuddle him mmmmmmmmmm what more can i say? From Dee 27 and my Mum 60 from greater manchester England. Please let us into your uni x
As long as you and mom agree not to kiss and cuddle him at the same time, you're both in. Cause that would be weird.

I was wondering what age you had to be to get into the university. Is it just the normal age or are younger people allowed? And is it only  online? Sorry to ask so many questions but it sounds really intresting.
It IS really intEResting here at SCU. Take the time to browse around, a lot of your questions will be answered! -HFS

I have watched him over the years on American Idol and have seen a true progression from the "Judge Dredd" I used to read about in the tabloids.  There is truly a heart beneath that tight black shirt! Terri Seymour is a LUCKY lady! 
I wouldn't recommend mentioning Terri in your essay, but because you made reference to his tight black tshirt, we'll let you in anyway. -HFS


From the clothes to the quips to his deity-like knowledge of pop music, I aspire to emulate Mr. Simon Cowell.  I am already proud to have the nickname of "Simon Cowell Junior", and look forward each and every day to donning my shirt and jeans towards my ultimate goal of becoming exactly like my idol -- Simon Cowell.
I hope to make everyone at Simon Cowell University proud as Simon has made me proud in being Simon!
Collin Bishop
Say it with a british accent and you're DEFINITELY in! Just kidding, we need more men on campus. Welcome to SCU.

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