Simon Cowell Memorial Hospital and its staff are dedicated to providing a
safe haven for those suffering from Simon Cowell-related mental illnesses. The fact that you are visiting our home page
at all indicates you have one or more of the disorders seen within our walls.
We have transferred your social security number, insurance information, medical
records and ultra-secret Simon-worshipping thoughts to our database from the microchip implanted in your hand at birth via
your mouse (damn spammers).
You cannot escape.
Why not have a look around?
~HotForSimon and Julietspeaks